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Monday, September 21, 2009

Clever Word Play

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. A calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
30. At a bar: Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder
31. Atheism the only non prophet organisation
32. When making whipped cream churn it a little longer, it's butter that way.
33. Chatting to this scarecrow the other day, turns out he's the top man in his field
34. An auction: a place where you get something for nodding

Friday, August 28, 2009

Can I get a hell yeah?

American designer Andrew Reeves, with Shane Blomberg and John Healy have developed a clip that, when attached to a soda bottle, gives the drinker the appearance of a mustachioed genius. Kind of like this pencil, these napkins, and the mustache stamp. Let’s just say that if you have one of these, you’ll probably get laid… a lot!

Monday, August 10, 2009

There really is no secret.

There really is no secret.
Hard work and discipline are what you need to succeed. This applies to everything. There really is no secret—or shortcut—that will get you around this. Get to it. Now.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Inmate Hides Gun In Fat Layers

HPD: Inmate Hides Gun In Fat Layers

By Elizabeth Scarborough

POSTED: Thursday, August 6, 2009
UPDATED: 8:06 am CDT August 6, 2009
A nearly 600-pound man was able to hide a weapon for more than a day while he was in custody, police told KPRC Local 2 Wednesday.
George Vera
"Obviously the system broke down," former Harris County Detention Major Mark Kellar said. "The procedures didn't work as they were designed to work."Houston police said George Vera, 25, was arrested Aug. 2 and taken to the city jail. He spent a day there before being transferred to the Harris County Jail. After being there for 14 hours, going through intake procedures, he was taken to the showers, the final step before going to his cell. There, Vera told police he had a 9mm handgun on him, along with 2 clips."If a person has a weapon, narcotics, anything of danger, it should have been found before he winds up in the county jail," said Kellar.Kellar said Vera should have been searched at least three times before getting to the jail.Vera weighs nearly 600 pounds and the gun was allegedly hidden between fat layers.Houston Police Officers Union President Gary Blankinship said cadets are trained how to search morbidly obese people."We teach officers to lift up and look under," Blankinship said. "The officer may not have arrested anyone this big before."Blankenship said that system clearly does not always work."They can be so big, basically short of strip searching or searching cavities, they could miss something like this," said Blankinship.The Houston Police Department and Harris County Sheriff's Office are doing internal investigations to figure out how this could have happened.Blankinship said they should also change the way officers are trained to search morbidly obese inmates, maybe adding hand-held metal detectors.Vera has been released from jail on bond.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

One, two, tree.

This is rock n roll?